You know, when I presented ‘L’Eau Serge Lutens’ to my staff. I felt like Saint-Just informing the aristocracy that they were about to lose their privileges. But I assure you, it’s not cologne. I hate cologne. Nor is it truly perfume. It’s more like an eau de cleanliness. Refined, nuanced… It’s like stepping out of the bath. Like putting on a freshly ironed shirt, or slipping into a bed with clean sheets…¹

That’s Serge Lutens, talking about his new anti-perfume, L’Eau Serge Lutens. I don’t know if his staff actually wept and tore their hair out, but there were some anguished reactions from his fans: Serge does clean? Has hell finally frozen over? Sorry guys. L’Eau Serge Lutens is reportedly meant to attract a wider audience — especially in the lucrative Asian market — than the rest of the Serge Lutens line, and not surprisingly, Shiseido is planning to distribute it rather widely.

Of course, we all need a break from perfume now and again, right? But for myself, I don’t hate cologne at all, in fact, I adore cologne. If I don’t want to wear something heavy, a nice cologne will suit me fine, and if I don’t even feel like that, a little dab of Egyptian musk will work just as well. And more often than you’d expect, I wear no fragrance at all…

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The needles of the pine punctured her behind on the floor of the forest. The girl makes ready for revenge! Into the fire of the mountain, she sends the lances that offended her rosy cheeks; their resinous aroma rises to skies overhead. To celebrate her victory victorious, the girl burns frankincense to the goddesses of the woods and prepares a fortifying compote of fruits and spices and strong wine; the orange coals glow intensely by her determination and by the fists of roots, completely dried, she adds, bunch by bunch. At last, satisfied, on pillows of grass, one for her head, one for her ass, the girl reclines and dreams of submissive needles of the pines: “Leaves of hell! Smoke of the sky! Perfume of I!”

No, I’m not celebrating Christmas with a fistful of Oxycodone and a bottle of Champagne…I’m simply having some fun — in the style of Serge Lutens advertising copy. Take no offense, Serge fans; if you fume and fulminate against my frivolous attitude towards le maître, you’ll spoil the happy mood of the season and appear overly serious! I, too, am a Lutens fan, but it’s been a looooong time since a new Lutens perfume has thrilled me. (The last two Lutens’ fragrances I bought the moment they were released were 2003’s Fumerie Turque and 2005’s Miel de Bois.) I had high hopes for Fille en Aiguilles, because I love pine and incense notes in fragrance…

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