Hello, fellow perfume lovers, and welcome to the Cranky Perfumista’s show on how to select your fragrance of the day. Please, come in to my elegant boudoir and — no! — don’t sit there! Holy mother of Bob. Well, that leftover casserole was growing mold anyway. I hope your skirt isn’t real silk. Just wipe it off and knock the rest on the floor. Hortense, my maid, will deal with it later.

So, where was I? Oh yes. Selecting a perfume. When deciding on a fragrance, first consider the day you have ahead. Me, I’ll be planning a top-drawer society event, the wedding of one of the town’s most important car dealers to his daughter’s best friend. (I’ve already managed three of his prior weddings, including the one with live doves and a special performance by the Redskinettes.) We’ll be discussing what work of art the live chainsaw ice sculpture artist will create during the reception.

I guess you’ll be selecting perfume for a trip to the dry cleaner’s, but this isn’t about you, is it…

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